Dad: Wow! Look at all these paintings! Right here in the open, even if it rains. Pretty cool, huh? Eight-year-old: I want my ice cream. You said I could have ice cream.
An opportunity for a FREE(!) concert with Adam, Kris and Allison! I love how Adam's name is always first even though he came in second. And Danny came in third but nobody remembers him. And Ryan Seacrest might be hosting this? That would rock my world.
Cute hipster girl to guy with missing front tooth: Excuse me, is this your needle? (hands him hypodermic needle he had left on his seat) Sketchy guy: Oh, yeah, thanks. Diabetic.
Lady to cashier: Can you front me a slice 'til I get my check? Cashier: Sorry, no. Lady: C'mon, man. I come here all the time. Cashier: Yeah, so? Lady: Man, you suck. You don't know what it's like. I have to buy Pampers and food and crack.
Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying) Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny? Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying) (man walking by bursts out laughing) Friend #2: It's not funny! Man walking away: Yes it is!
Asian conductor to ballerina on train carrying scissors, needle and thread: You know, I could confiscate those scissors. Since 9/11 they are really strict. Ballerina: I'm just sewing my shoes, they're to cut the thread. Asian conductor: Some of us would just take them. I won't, I'm just warning you. The needle too. There is this place in the neck you could stick the needle and paralyze someone. (walks away) Ballerina's seatmate: He watches too many ninja movies.
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